Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
