I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
