Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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