Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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