she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
