Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
