I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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