So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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