my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Brb crying the tears of my youth
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
