Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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