Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Randomize
