So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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