well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
God, you're like boner-b-gone
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
