I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
