did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Help. Why am I so naked?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
