he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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