am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
