I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
