You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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