So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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