Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I enjoy the company of your penis
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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