Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
