so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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