we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
