so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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