Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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