Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
