omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
