So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
