the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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