just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Randomize
