people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
