So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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