just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
