His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I want to stick my p in your. b.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
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