I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
