he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
