we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Just invented taco cereal.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
