in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
