So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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