despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
