Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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