I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
