Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
