Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
