It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
