I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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