so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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