I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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