Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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