sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
