Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
