I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
