I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
