i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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