3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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